Silencing the Voice That Says You're a Fraud - Is that Even Possible?

In helping executive transform their organizations we ask them to have the perspective that an organization is a network of conversations. We ask them to have the point of view that their access to their organization, to cause change, is the network of conversations of the organization - change that and the organization changes.

Our coaching then is, "to be a powerful leader, manage the network of conversations". Which means:

• Build on all the conversations in the organization that are consistent with your vision, values, intentions, priorities and commitments. Acknowledge them, tell stories to reinforce them, make heroes out of those who speak them, ...
• Notice all the conversations that are inconsistent with your vision, values, intentions, priorities and commitments. Don't engage with them, as in counter them or argue against them. Instead speak for what you want. Gossip, complaining, undermining, negativity and excuse making all fit in this category. Remember the Cherokee grandfather's advice to his grandson - its all about which conversations are you going to feed?
• With your vision, values, intentions, priorities and commitments as a context keep asking, "what conversations are missing, that if they were in place we would be closer to a one-to-one fit with our intentions?" As you see what's missing put that conversation in place with structures and practices to make sure it stays in place.

Now that said, there is another network of conversations at play with each and every one of us that we need to be aware of and take into account - our internal conversations. Our internal conversations are our ongoing conversations with ourselves about everything, and everyone.

We need to take them into account because these conversations run the show, and much more than most of us are aware of. They are always there commenting about everything. If we start paying attention we will see that we have an internal commentator constantly assessing, evaluating and judging everything and everyone - not least ourselves.

These internal conversations are the filter through which we see the world, see other people, see possibility and opportunity. If part of what we are listening to when we are in a conversation with a colleague, is our critical or negative internal conversation, then the possibility in that relationship is limited.

If the internal conversation we have about ourselves is critical - which it mostly is - we are limiting ourselves. We are limiting our possibilities, our opportunities for successful relationships, our happiness and the possibility of personal peace and contentment.

The challenge in managing the internal conversation is to identify what the conversations are - so listen up. Then the next challenge is feeding the empowering conversations and starving the negative ones by changing the conversation on ourselves when we hear a negative one.

At one time or another just about every successful person I have worked with has shared that they think they are a fraud and are scared stiff about being discovered.

Who created that conversation, "I'm a fraud?". Who gives it head room? And who can change it? - only we can. And it is as easy, or difficult, as choosing which conversation to feed. But just know the default operating state is to feed, or engage with the negativity.