What Would Happen If You Said What You Really Think? Part 2

We Have Loads of Opportunities to Say What We Really Think – Yet Mostly Don't

IF? If we have a commitment to be open, direct, and honest in our interactions with the people we work with it is useful to check in with ourselves from time to time to see how well we are doing.

Take giving feedback for example. We all have lots of opportunities to give feedback; in performance reviews, in one-on-one meetings with colleagues, and in the ordinary day-to-day interactions.

Start by noticing your background conversations as you are speaking to colleagues. Is the background conversation about making a contribution to the person we are speaking to or is about making them wrong, showing them how they screwed up, while letting them know how upset/angry you are?

How Well Do I Give Feedback?

If it is valid that you have a commitment to be really effective in giving feedback then take a moment and score yourself against each of the following statements on a scale of 1-10, 10 being high.

1. I give feedback with the intention of helping the person to whom I am given feedback to see how they can improve their performance and/or modify their behaviors
2. I give feedback often – it is part of my day-to-day discipline and practice to look out for teachable moments
3. I look to catch someone doing something great and acknowledge and appreciate them in the moment, and tell them specifically in what way their actions forward our goals and/or values
4. I pay attention to what people are doing that does not forward their goals, or is inconsistent with their promises or values, and I ask them if they are open to hearing about what I observe
5. I encourage people to invite me to give them feedback as someone committed to their success, growth and development
6. I create a safe and non-threatening context before I give feedback by making sure people understand my commitment is to contribute to them, not to make them wrong or invalidate them
7. I can be counted on to be specific in my feedback, just the facts – what happened or did not happen
8. I can be counted on to manage my own emotions when giving feedback and not direct my anger, upset, frustration... at the person to whom I am giving feedback
9. I can be counted on to leave people with the experience of having been contributed to, grateful for my feedback, and with a pathway to make corrections.

Answer The Following Questions

For every score below 10 ask:

1. What is missing, that if I were to put it in place, my score would go up?
2. What is present, and in the way, that if I were to remove it, my score would go up?

Act on Your Insights – Now

Paraphrasing +Bill Gates – an insight has the half life of a banana. So act on your insights, put the missing in place and remove what's present and in the way.

If we are in a make wrong/blame mood, if we are angry, frustrated even, with someone or frustrated by something that happened, or something that didn't happen, then the first step is top notice the emotions and moods that are swirling around.