Endings and Beginnings

Endings and Beginnings

For many of us the start of a New Year is a good time of year to reflect, to take stock, maybe make a few changes. The conventional wisdom is to make a few resolutions. You know the deal, think about plans for the new year, things you want to stop doing and things you want to start doing. We, for a while at least, have the comfortable feeling that we have a plan for improvement in place.

I've been there, done that lots of times, and no more! Not just because I know from research, that fewer than 10% of people follow through and actually do what they said they would do. But also, because that mode of personal growth and development does not work: for me, or for people I see struggling with their resolutions.

When I (we if it applies to you) reflect I realize that these "new year resolutions" fade fairly quickly in tussle for priority with the day-to-day routines. When I look back at the resolutions I have made they are usually to "fix something" about me that I didn't like or want – loose weight, exercise more, be more tolerant, etc., etc. Not the most powerful context for change or personal growth and development.

What If I/We Are Just Fine The Way I Am/We Are?

What if we don't need to be "fixed"? What if we just need to nurture the parts of our lives that actually work, that give us joy, satisfaction, accomplishment, the relationships we want, the sense of being in our element, the sense that life is great and so are we? We all have lots of "the good stuff" and we'd see it if we'd just stopped focusing on, "what's wrong that needs to be fixed stuff".

What if, notwithstanding the fact we don't need to be fixed, we do have a sense of an unfolding path to be followed. Joseph Campbell's encouragement to us is to follow your bliss. If we listen, we all have a sense of, things to do, places to go, people to meet, and a life to live that is calling us. I think that is what Campbell meant by follow your bliss, follow your passions, your mission if you like, your real purpose for being here – find it and live it.

So The Question Becomes, What to End And What To Begin?

If we start paying attention to day-to-day events we will get increasingly clear what our path is, what our purpose actually is. Part of paying attention means being more aware what we say yes and no to. We can then ask ourselves what to end, by saying no to and what to begin, by saying yes to; not just once a year, but every day, and even at multiple times during the day.

Endings are opportunities to be complete with the past, so as to be free to move on. Endings give us an opportunity to see habits that don't serve us, that drain us of vitality. And, like calling a time out in sports they give us a chance to see what's working too, so that we can build on them. Endings let us:

• Extract whatever lessons we can learn from the past to seed new beginnings
• Look to see who and what to acknowledge, appreciate and validate – all the evidence that life is good and we have a lot to be grateful for – regardless of our circumstances
• Notice where, about what, and by whom we were hurt, disappointed or felt invalidated or suppressed. Just notice, so we can move on as quickly as possible.
• Calling a time out, or an end to the way things have been going, is too good an opportunity for growth and course corrections to be relegated to a once a year event.

Beginnings Are An Opportunity To Savor The Now And Ponder Possibilities, so as to be present in each moment to create what will be the future. Beginnings let us:

• Pay attention, moment by moment, to what provides joy and satisfaction – so we can be in that mood more often, and be more able to notice when it's fading or missing
• Seek out opportunities to be with people and activities that have us in our element, where we have the feeling of being self expressed. I know being around some people enliven me and have me be more creative, around other...not so much
• Ask and answer, "Who do I want to Be now, in this moment, for the next hour, day...?" Say so, and practice being that, often, and for as long as you can
• Ask and answer, "What do I want to accomplish? So what do I need to be doing?" Do that and watch the outcomes
• Ask and answer, "Who do I want to be around, collaborate with, learn from, laugh with – where I get to be myself unreservedly?" Be with these people.

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. 

Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. 

Begin it now. 

Goethe.